"FROM FUR TO DUST"

Some say the Spirit vanishes when we die, the body means nothing. But, each of us have different ideas about death, dying & "the body" that represented "US" in life. 

After much contemplation, the body, was in fact, everything.

It housed our Spirit, and nourished every cell, muscle, organ and strand of hair, so that we "could" live on Earth.

Sunday's body, his face, his hair, his liquid brown eyes was the first image I fell in love with.

The furry body I clutched in my arms.

The heart that beat with mine.

The breath his lungs pumped minutes before my own exhaled.

The mind that pondered my alien human words.

The paws I washed hundreds of times.

The nails I clipped to a fine point.

The devoted eyes I wiped clean. 

The pink ears I plucked of hair so to hear my cooing better.

The K9 teeth I scraped, brushed, till ivory white.

His scent..it came from the body I was in love with, cherished, dedicatingly, painstakingly healed, groomed, nurtured, adored. 

His ashes are a tribute to that.

Honoring the remnants of the body he wore to kiss me, lick, eat, walk, jump, run & play through life.

All of it, was reduced to a sacred mound of dust. 

His dust. 

His Life. Sunday Jean.

---R. B. STUART XOXOX

"MY HEART DOG"

My Heart Dog, My Soul Dog, Sunday Jean died in my arms, 9/27/22, 19.5 years later, I wore the same orange sundress I held him in 2003, at 2 months old:

"I wrapped your silenced furry body in the 101 Dalmations towel I used to dry you with as a baby, and the towel you slept upon my chest for the last month.

Long gone are the days I'd poke & probe your eyes of mucus, wash your paws after a walk, or wipe your bum bum after poopy.

You can finally rest now....

Life isn't the same without you my devoted, handsome, Sunday. It was like you were my child. Now I have to reinvent myself, my daily life, my dinners, my routine, without you.

I stalled for 6 months in 2003 when Nanee asked if I wanted you. Your ears, flipped back reminded me of Cauliflower ears of a tough prize fighter, you resembled the legendary actor & tough guy, Edward G. Robinson. It was the first thing I loved about you & your small, soft, curly, orange body...

But, I was afraid to commit knowing I would love you & then eventually lose you to death. 

I conceded & opened my heart. Like the Grinch, the joy cracked my heart wide open. Holding & caressing you, and big bro BG, little sis Lilly, and nervous nellie, Jake that spring of 2003 was the most healing love bomb ever. 

I was encompassed by your cuteness, playfullness, zest for life & new experiences. And it filled me up. 

I was empty after losing my mother one year earlier. The grief & sorrow, pain & suffering that was stacked upon each other in my heart for nerely 35 years...thrust open like flood gates.

You encountered days, weeks months, of my sadness, sorrow, hopelessness, inner longing & torment....until it finally healed.

Your presence, by my side as the grief bubbled to the surface, my cries to God, you witnessed it all.

Now, I am at the part I feared most; the death, the sorrow, the loss...of Y O U.

The final last hours together, I bent over you in the kitchen, you were wedged between my calves so that I could hold you still while wiping your bum bum. 

Then you raised one front paw and placed it atop my right foot, then placed your right paw ontop of my left foot. It was peculiar, n e v e r  in 19.5 years had you done that before. 

I stepped back to wipe you further, and with your two paws on my 2 feet you walked with me.

Immediately, I sensed you would always be there, walking with me.

I scooped you up & sat on the futon with you sitting propped up on my knee facing me, and explained,

"You haven't met God yet, but you have 'through me', while I prayed during our walks, in bed at night next to me, and perched on the boulders together at the shore of Duck Walk Beach in Long Island.

For hours I'd sit upon the cold, hard stone, transfixed by the blue horizon in the distance, where the sea meets the sky, searching for God, my late mother, my father, my sister. The sun warmed our skin, the wind kissed our face, the salt licked our lips. You patiently stood beside me, looking out.

Then said, "Now, you will meet God too."

You raised your right paw & placed it on the middle of my chest, on my heart. I looked down at it, sensing it was another sign, you heard me, & understood.

You became agitated and wanted to get down. I put you on the floor and I walked to the bathroom.

Within minutes, you found me and pushed open the door with your nose & looked up at me.

I was surprised, even in the last moments your were still thinking about me, always wanted your eyes on me.

The doctor arrived. I placed you back in my arms, your face pressed against my breast. You stopped coughing. The agitation evaporated. Light as a feather, your neck & head limp like a rag doll. Then you were gone....

I made a ring with your ashes, so you'll always be in my hand....when I walk, when I drive, when I eat, when I cry."

25.October.2022

I SEE YOU....Snowy Girl

On Sunday, November 8th 2015 while I was writing post #5 about my dog Sunday and his mother Snowy, unknowingly 3,000 miles away my sister in New England was contemplating putting down her love, Snowy, a 15 year old snow white poodle---due to failing health. I wrote whilst my sister tried to abate the emotional and mental convulsions that attempted to possess her.

Snowy greeted everyone. Her stout body contorted with joy and happiness, her under bite smile sparkled with excitement, she was a doting mother and a fierce protector of my sister. At the age of three, Snowy brought four babies into the world, two would stake claim on the hearts of me and another sister down south. We spent the last 12 years watching Mama Snowy and Papa Buddy grow older, as their lineage continued to bring joy, love and comfort to others.

But Snowy's health at 15 became precarious. My sister observed her beloved girl struggle seeing, walking and remembering. And on Sunday November 8th 2015, Snowy would take her final compromised breath and leave this earth. Within moments my sister headed home in a cold, dark, empty car images of her girl swirling around her head. The still warm blanket permeated the car with her scent. But Snowy...she was bouncing her way off to Heaven where she skipped through the cottony clouds, her ears swaying with the breeze of freedom.

When she reached Heavens Gate she was greeted by a pack of dogs who eagerly awaited the bevy of stories from her fulfilling life on earth as Snowy Girl. The first to greet her were the dogs born into our family decades earlier; Lady, Sandy, Jackie, Smokey, Luv and Spookey. They listened intently as she reminisced. They showered her with approval and adoration for living such an exciting and courageous life, for loving unconditionally, forgiving, and being a great friend. They escorted her over to a thin, gentle bald man draped in a brown linen gown with a rope tied around his waist, St. Francis of Assisi, and waving an extended arm welcomed her to his flock.

Snowy was no longer handicapped by age, girth or failing eyes and heart. And as St. Francis stepped back, Snowy saw a garden of dogs of all shapes, sizes and colors with sheer white wings fluttering on their backs. They were immersed in ham bones, chocolate chips, chicken livers, greenies, sirloin tip and ice cream. Her body was young and pain free again, her eyes as clear as Tiffany goblets. Snowy skipped---then leapt over to Heavens feast where she found a home---with a new, immortal family. A pale pink satin ribbon cascaded from her chest, it scrolled down her legs and paws and drifted thousands of miles away. It is invisible to humans, but the other end is attached to my sisters heart, where they remain bound by love and devotion...until they meet again.
--R. B. STUART



       We'll see you soon girl...Thank you for spreading the love....Love Aunty   xoxoxo


                                                            Snowy Girl #6

                                                     Sunday & Mama Snowy

                                          
                                                 Mama Snowy & Papa Buddy

                             
                                                               Snowy Girl
                                        May You Howl at the Moon in Peace
                                       11 September 2000 ~ 8 November 2015
                                                            Bye Girl.... xoxo